7 Annoying Things People Say To Interracial Couples

Elizabeth Silleck La Rue
Momentum
Published in
15 min readDec 14, 2022

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December 14, 2022

Photo credit: By DC_Studio. Photo description: interracial couple (white-presenting woman and Black man) looking upset at something on a smartphone. Probably, someone saying something annoying.

I’ve updated this story from June 2022 for three reasons: 1. Since I began writing about interracial families, people have said more annoying things; 2. I wanted to change the title from “stupid” to “annoying” things because of feedback about the harmful and ableist use of the term “stupid”; 3. The Respect for Marriage Act was just signed into law, codifying the right of same-sex and interracial couples to marry in the US. The fact that this legislation was necessary to secure these rights is demonstrative of the fact that these conversations need to happen. If you already read the first version, feel free to skip down to #6 for new material. So, without further ado…

I am a white woman (notwithstanding one DNA test that identified 3% Afro-Caribbean genes). I am married to a Black American man (whose DNA is almost 90% West and East African). We are an interracial couple. It’s not the first time either of us has been in an interracial relationship, and we both have biracial Black children with former partners. The sets of circumstances in each of our respective lives that have led us to be in interracial relationships that cross the Black/white color line are varied, complex, and different. At the end of the day, we are a really good fit for each other, and our relationship was tested only six months into it by two years of COVID-related isolation with each other. We are best friends, partners, lovers and sharpening stones to each other. Together with our furchildren, we are a tight family unit, and it’s the way we like it.

As mentioned, this is not my first relationship with a Black man. I have also, however, dated white Latinos and a few non-Latino white men. I have experience against which to compare the racialized way my marriage is regarded by people in US society (a society fraught with racism from inception), not least of which is due to the fact that I was previously married to a white-presenting Latino man for five years.

It is in this context that I have GOT to rebut some of the problematic and/or ignorant things that continue to be said and written about Black/white partnerships and families. They are harmful, obtuse, and in a day and age where antiracism and inclusion have become buzzwords enabling the slightest variation from…

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