Without abortion, I wouldn’t be here.
My mom always wanted four kids. She got two: my brother in 1995 and me in 1999. Between the earthly debut of my sibling and I, however, something happened.
I never got the full story until very recently, but in snippets of overheard conversation throughout my life, I learned two things: my mom had a miscarriage before I was born, and this event caused her to lose a fallopian tube. And for a while, that was that. I didn’t try to pry further into what very well could’ve been a traumatic experience for my mom — even when I was younger, I knew miscarriages were deeply saddening experiences for childbearing people — and just figured that my brother and I were enough of a handful that having two more kids seemed unwise.
Sometime last year, my mom would tell me the full story. When my brother was still toddling around, my mom found out she was pregnant again and was roughly six weeks along, which was good news for my parents. However, there was a complication. The embryo had implanted itself into my mom’s fallopian tube. This is known as an ectopic pregnancy.
I didn’t think much of this experience until the YouTuber Gus Johnson got in a bit of a scandal for, to put it mildly, being a very unsupportive partner to his girlfriend and fellow YouTuber, Abelina Sabrina. One of two videos at the crux of this scandal was one titled “My ectopic pregnancy.” released by Sabrina on October 22nd of last year. In it, not only did she detail the mistreatment she went through by an unnamed boyfriend (who people later realized was Gus), but she also talked about how traumatic experiencing an ectopic pregnancy was, how she was mistreated by medical professionals, and how she nearly died because of it.
What my mom didn’t tell me was how dangerous ectopic pregnancies can be if they aren’t removed as soon as possible. I suppose she wanted to protect my feelings because to her, I have a weak constitution and any bad news could send me into fits of the vapors (which isn’t true, if you’re wondering). However, after watching Sabrina’s video — including the part where the doctor told her she’d likely have trouble conceiving again with just one fallopian tube — I realized what my mom was up against during that time.
She could’ve died.
Of course, she didn’t. She’s still with us over 20 years after this happened, with two mostly okay grown children and a grandkid. My mom has a “no use crying over milk that hasn’t even spilled” mindset, so I haven’t brought this realization up to her. But, with recent events overtaking my mind, I can’t help but think about how things could’ve gone very differently.
Ohio lawmakers introduced a trigger bill that would go into effect in the event Roe v. Wade got overturned that would force doctors to try to save ectopic pregnancies, which doctors have explained is impossible. After watching a former football coach with no previous political experience get elected to the senate in my home state of Alabama, it’s no secret that our elected officials love speaking with authority on things they know nothing about, but this one could have deadly consequences, and has elsewhere.
In 2007, after abortion was banned in Nicaragua, a woman died two weeks after her wedding because doctors wouldn’t remove her ectopic pregnancy. In October 2012, a woman named Savita Halappanavar died in Ireland because she was refused an abortion. She was miscarrying and developed sepsis, but the doctors couldn’t treat her because at the time, abortion was illegal in Ireland. Just this week, a story broke about a woman in Malta on vacation who began miscarrying and bleeding profusely. The doctors refused to treat her, despite her life being very obviously in danger, because abortion is totally banned there. She was able to get to Spain to have the live-saving procedure, but not before being traumatized in the process. It’s pretty obvious that when trigger laws go into effect in states that are frothing at the mouth to deprive women of healthcare under the guise of “saving babies” (babies that hey don’t care about once they’re born, mind you), a lot more blood will be on the hands of the Supreme Court justices that allowed this to happen.
In all my mixed emotions upon learning what happened to my mom, who reassured me she was “only six weeks along” upon seeing my astonished expression after telling me what happened, it didn’t dawn on me how fortuitous my existence is until much later. Much like Sabrina, my mom’s doctor informed her that it would likely be difficult for her to become pregnant again with one fallopian tube. And yet, here I am. A rainbow baby, as someone would inform me once I relayed my mom’s story to them.
It’s all in the past now, but I can’t help but think that if medical “professionals” in the deep south where I grew up were as emboldened in the late 90s as they are now to adhere to their uber-conservative beliefs — laws notwithstanding — there is a chance that not only could I have never been born, but my dad would have lost his wife and my brother would have lost his mom, just a few short years into my parents’ marriage.
I’m no expert on the subject myself, but it irks me to no end that it seems the people at the helm of the forced birth movement consider abortion as some sort of moral failing, only requested by promiscuous, low-class “welfare queens” (rest in piss, Ronald Reagan!) in their third trimester to avoid responsibility. In reality, the people who typically get abortions already have children, and realized that having more would render them unable to properly care for the children they already have. Abortions that are the result of ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages that require medical intervention are still considered abortions, even though in cases like my mom, these were wanted children. Nobody wants to have an abortion, and the reasons people do have them are varied, but it usually boils down to the health and well-being of the people that now, in many states, will be forced to carry a fetus to term even if their life is in danger.
I’m very glad my mom and I are still here. Soon, though, some families won’t get that luxury.
